Bringing Opening Lines to a Close

It’s as if the groundhog saw his shadow and we have six more weeks of opening lines.  Okay…okay…not six more weeks, just one.  Since this has become Opening Lines:  The Trilogy, let’s press on as we bring this topic to a close. 

“When the Spook arrived, the light was already beginning to fail.” – The Last Apprentice:  Revenge of the Witch by Joseph Delaney.

Why it doesn’t work for me?  I’m curious about who – or what – the Spook is.  It’s nearing nightfall.  Outside of that, it doesn’t give a lot away and isn’t terribly enticing.  Here’s the thing – this book is the first in a series of no less than fifteen books.  I’ve read every last one!  I offer this up as an example that while first lines are important, they are just that – first lines.  There are still 80,000 or so other words in most books for the reader to ultimately decide.  So why did I continue one?  It may have been the clever little marketing trick on the back cover…

Naturally, I read it after dark.  ESPECIALLY page 140.

“Lady Farley-Stoud set her cup and saucer down with a clatter.  The occasional table beside the armchair in our drawing room wobbled precariously under the impact.” – Christmas at the Grange by T.E. Kinsey.

Why this doesn’t work for me?  Hmmm…this one is tough.  It’s not so much the words as the tone.  The “Lady”, “occasional table”, and “drawing room” all implied something…stuffy?  It didn’t appeal to my senses as being fun.  It reminded me of being in my Great Aunt’s house as a child.  Staring into the room where you were never to step foot.  And if by chance you were allowed to venture in, you certainly didn’t touch anything.  Opening lines convey information, tone, and voice.  If this is a period piece set in England, someone would most likely be in love at first sight.  Not being a Downtown Abbey fan, I closed it up and moved on.

“The tired old carriage, pulled by two tired old horses, rumbled onto the wharf, its creaky wheels bumpety-bumping on the uneven planks, waking Peter from his restless slumber.  The carriage interior, hot and stuffy, smelled of five smallish boys and one largish man, none of whom was keen on bathing.” – Peter and the Starcatchers by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson.

Why it works for me?  Talk about painting a picture!  They’ve engaged all five senses in these two sentences.  The tail end of the second line – on not bathing – tosses in a little bit of the tone that is to come.  It’s as if you’ve slipped on those virtual reality googles and stepped into their world.  This passage ticks off all the points of a strong opening.  If you haven’t read the series, I highly recommend it!    

The illustrations in the book were done by Greg Call.  They are simple yet full of incredible detailing.

“Toni Diamond heard the ping signaling a text message.  As though the signal had an echo, her daughter Tiffany received a text at the same time.” – A Diamond Choker for Christmas by Nancy Warren.

Why it doesn’t work for me?  Read the opening before this one – from Peter and the Starcatchers.  Then read this one again.  Night and day, my friend.  Let’s break it down.  We have Toni and Tiffany getting texts at – gasp! – the same time.  Where are they?  Time of day? So many more engaging details could have been slipped in.  Even something about the text itself to build suspense.  There was nothing here enticing me to continue on.

“Elisabeth Strenger peeled three boiled eggs under running water, dropped them into a chipped Blue Willow china bowl, and began to mash them with a fork.  She took a quick puff on her cigarette, blew smoke out through the back window, and tapped ashes into the drain.” – You’ll Never Know, Dear by Hallie Ephron.

Why it works for me?  I know she’s in a kitchen.  The chipped Blue Willow china bowl allows you to see something very specific.  Granted, I didn’t know the Blue Willow brand.  In my head I was seeing Corning’s Blue Cornflower.

Not what the author was referring to, but she invoked an image.

The speed of the puff and where she blew the smoke imply that perhaps she wasn’t supposed to be smoking in the house.  Or was sneaking a quick cigarette.  That she tapped the ashes into the sink drain supports that.  Otherwise she may have had an ashtray nearby.  Again, you have strong imagery here.  Look back at our previous example and then to this one.  Two sentences each, but the two from Hallie Ephron give you a far greater bang for the buck.

And just like that, we’ve wrapped up our three week discussion on opening lines.  I’d love to know your thoughts.  If you agree, disagree, or have some examples of good and bad opening lines you’d like to share.

See you next week!